Relationships and depression | Relate
You are not the cause of your partner's depression. Trying to sustain a relationship with a depressed person can make the healthy partner feel helpless and more than a . What makes a carb good and what makes it bad?. How to Tell if Your Relationship Makes You Depressed. A bad relationship can be a major contributing factor to depression. However, when you're feeling down . They do not seem to know they are in a toxic relationship even though they feel depressed, and, 2. They are bad for both medical and mental health. How is it.
I have likened the experience of meeting and falling for someone new to juggling. Four years ago I had found equilibrium, all the balls were in the air and I was genuinely happier than I had been for a long time.
Suddenly another ball was introduced into the equation. This is a ball which brings with it strong emotions; uncertainty, interdependence and allowing others some element of influence over how I feel. Fitting this ball into the show without dropping all the rest proved difficult.
Without my noticing the obsessive, inward focussed, over thinking part of my brain - the overgrown slightly monstrous part that makes me ill - had stirred.
It breathed it's negative fog breath over everything and made it harder to gain pleasure from other things. It felt as if healthy normal emotions associated with falling in love excitement, uncertainty and perhaps slight obsession had fed it and encouraged it to rear it's ugly head and distort normal and manageable emotions until they smeared across my whole life.
I asked myself, could I risk letting these emotions run their course or is there too much of a risk of disturbing the beast and getting lost? If I feed the monster with real human negative emotions and vulnerability there's a real risk of it taking over until I can't tell what is a real reaction and what is a distorted, depressive reaction unlinked to reality.
But despite becoming irritated and angry with myself for allowing this to happen, it did make me realise something about my struggle with uncertainty. With no real choice but to continue to meet and discover this guy and hell, am I glad I didI wondered if perhaps managing something like this - really liking someone and all the risks it brings - was a good test for my newly growing happiness.
Could I keep the vulnerability of a growing liking for someone, coupled with the uncertainty and risk of rejection and the fact that, should that happen, I would inevitably universalise it and take it as an example of my possible inability to conduct real romantic relationships any more separate from the obsessive, depressive element of my personality?
Managing depression and anxiety in a committed relationship That was the early days. And despite the uncertainties being countered by excitement and the rushes of dopamine and norepinephrine, I'm glad they're over.
Relationships and depression
But how do you manage when depression or anxiety are part of a committed relationship? Depression and anxiety can magnify and distort emotions.Jordan Peterson - Bad Relationships and Depression
You need to be on your guard. When looking through their unnatural lens, you can start to feel that there is a problem with the relationship, or with one party within it.
I like how it externalises the course most relationships run at some point, and shows how support can help a couple avoid crisis. A more detailed diagram shows the ongoing post-crisis path at different levels. With the right support a couple can return to the original path. Well, in my experience; Establish it as something external to you both - distinguish between what is you and your relationship and what is the depression or anxiety. Step back and set yourselves up as a team, dealing with and managing the illness together.
Viewing it as external to you both stops it being associated purely with one individual or becoming too intertwined with the rest of the relationship.
A lot of people say they find a metaphor such as the black dog useful as a way to clearly define the illness as an external party. This brings me nicely on to; Find your own language to talk about it and use this to help your partner understand.
Personally, when I get very low I get needy and dependent. Because these are more negative experiences one might have in a relationship anyway, it's important to identify that these are a result of the depression or anxiety and not of something else going on.
Try and identify how the illness makes you interact differently and explain this. Saying 'when I'm low, I feel really needy, so I might be a bit dependent and irrational today' sets you up much better to manage the day than communication purely based on the current feeling of neediness 'why are you going out today, I really want you to stay in, do you even love me?
This leads me on to; Examine your motivations before you act If you are feeling depressed, a symptom of that might be that you feel needy and dependent. If your partner doesn't realise this is a symptom of your depression they may well feel your behaviour is irrational - and tell you so.
You might feel that they don't understand you and respond by ignoring them or going quiet and refusing to open up. But what is your motivation here? Fundamentally, what you might want is for your partner to pay you the attention your 'needy feeling' wants today.
But playing these kind of games isn't the most straightforward way to get there. It may well start an argument or cause upset when it doesn't go your way and, for example, they just leave 'because you're ignoring me'. So instead - before you take an action which might affect your relationship - try to establish what it is that you really need and think about whether there is a clearer, more open path to get it.
Use what works even if it feels weird It's really common to feel as though a relationship should flow along wonderfully and if it doesn't then there is something wrong with it. In fact this is quite a disempowering viewpoint.
5 Signs That Depression Is Eroding Your Relationship
You have the power to make it work if you both want to. They may be aware of the effects their depression is having on their relationships, but feel powerless to do anything about it. This can make them feel guilty, and lower their self-esteem even more.
This film by the World Health Organisation looks at how depression can interact with relationships: How can counselling help?
3 Ways to Tell if Your Relationship Makes You Depressed - wikiHow
We see a lot of couples affected by depression. While Relate counselling is not a treatment by itself, it can really help to work with someone who understands how depression can impact on a relationship.
Here are some of the specific techniques we use. This is something we encourage in any form of counselling, but it can be particularly important when it comes to depression. The kind of pressure that mental health issues can place on a relationship can be eased by talking openly and honestly about what each person is finding difficult.
The counsellor will enable this process, making sure that each partner is able to speak and be heard. This could even mean giving it a name or referring to it in the third person.
The idea is to help the person with depression see it as a separate entity, rather than being part of their personality. Breaking down the details. This means identifying the exact nature of the depression so we can see if there are any triggers and get a better idea of its severity. Acknowledging what might be contributing to the depression and whether there are any specific sources of stress can be really useful. Making a timeline together.